How do they get these jobs?

Story submitted by another IT Guy.  He feels my pain.

Teacher: The computer is dark, and wont come on. What is wrong?

IT Guy: Do you see any lights on the computer?

Teacher: No, what do I do?

IT Guy: Turn it on?

Teacher: Okay, that fixed it, thanks!

The Power of “Need”

Based on my interactions, it appears teachers have a faith-like belief in the “Power of Need” similar to the “Force” in Star Wars.  I could tell a teacher something as simple and straightforward as “the internet is down and unfortunately you can not get online at the moment” or “sorry, but due to the power outage you can not use your computer at this time”.  In their minds facts such as these are no match for the Power of Need. Almost without exception, teachers will counter with “but I really NEED to check my email” or ” but I really NEED to work on my test”.  As far as I can tell, they seriously believe that if they decide they NEED something enough it will materialize.  The other possibility is that they think I shut off the power grid for the city in an effort to prevent them from checking their email for Borders Coupons.  This is actually a strong possibility because more than a few of the teachers I’ve encountered seem to think that they are the center of the Universe and/or their respective classes are the foundation for which all academia is built.  I have many examples to illustrate the Power of Need……here is one from last week.

 

Teacher:  IT Guy, the copy machine is out of staples

IT Guy: I know, unfortuantely there was a problem with the shipment.  They won’t be here till tomorrow.

Teacher: But I really NEED them now

IT Guy: Sorry, but we don’t have any

Teacher: But I NEED them for an exam that I NEED to give today

IT Guy: I don’t know what you want me to do

Teacher: The exam is very important.  It counts for 15% of their grade and I really NEED to get this done

IT Guy: Oh, I didn’t know how much you NEEDED the staples.  Here, take the three cartridges I have been hiding in my pocket for the last two days so I could listen to you people incessantly whine about your NEED for staples.

You have me hooked in to your gmail

Secretary: You have me hooked in to your Gmail.

IT Guy: What?
Secretary: How can I get in to mine?
IT Guy: You have to log me out then log yourself in
Secretary: That won’t work, I had Pete help me, we can’t find it
IT Guy: Try harder (click)

Secretary arrives in my office 5 minutes later with a pad of paper and pen

Secretary: I can’t figure it out.  Can you show me how to do it.
IT Guy: Why do you have a pad of paper?  You click SIGN OUT in the upper right corner
Secretary while writng: Ok, let’s see upper right corner…….Sign Out…..then what.
IT: YOU SIGN IN!
Secretary: Ok, with what…….?
IT:  YOUR LOGIN?
Secretary: Oh, ok…..with mine…….

A kid did something to my computer?

Teacher: IT Guy, I really need your help.  I’m freaking out.

IT Guy: What’s the matter?

Teacher: A kid did something to my computer and now it won’t turn on.

IT Guy: Oh Yeah

Teacher:  I don’t need any of your smart talk.  I tried to fix it and there is something seriously wrong. Can you come down here and not make any rude remarks?

IT Guy: I guess I can try.

Teacher: Hurry!

(arrive 12.8 seconds later)

IT Guy: Despite the deviant kids best efforts I think I have restored your computer.

Teacher: What did you do?

IT Guy: I pushed the power button on the monitor

Teacher: Are your serious? You are going to put this on your blog aren’t you?

IT Guy: As soon as I get back to my office.

Another Example of the Power of Need

Another example of a teacher deploying the Power of Need:

Teacher: Do you know if the summer school gradebooks and class pages will be available soon?

IT Guy: I can’t upload those until the schedule for next year is complete.  I will send them out as soon as I can.

Teacher: When will that be?

IT Guy: Not sure.  Ask the schedule person.

Teacher: Ok.  But I really NEED to work on those class pages

IT Guy: Gotcha.  Ask the scheduling person. I can’t do it till they are finished.

Teacher: Ok. But do you think the schedule will be done soon.

IT Guy:  I have no idea.  Ask the scheduling person.

Teacher: I will but I just really NEED to get a head start.  Let me tell you why….

IT Guy: No.  Don’t tell me why….it is entirely moot.  I can not do anything until the schedule is done.  The amount of NEED is entirely irrelevant. We have gone over this three times.

Teacher:  But you don’t understand.  Let me tell you why I NEED them.

IT Guy:  NO!  It has no bearing on you getting them.  At this moment the options are not having classes next year or you having your stupid class pages three weeks in advance so you can add ridiculous animated pictures of Einstein blowing himself up.  Essentially, we would destroy our school to save you the 2.4 minutes it takes to add those stupid animations.  Try medication instead.