Final Exams

When you create a Final Exam column in our online gradebooks you are prompted to enter the semester in which the exam grade should apply.  There are three options “1, 2 and Y”.  If the exam goes with the first semester you type 1, if it is second semester you type 2.  The “Y” is for “Yes”.  I have no clue what the “Y” is for but the teachers for whatever reason are enamored with it.

Teacher: Hey IT Guy, just wanted to confirm that when I put in the exam I choose “Yes”, correct?

IT Guy: No, why would you choose “Yes”.  What are you agreeing to?
Teacher: The Final

IT Guy: You think your gradebook is asking you to agree to a Final?
Teacher: Yes.

IT Guy: Well it’s not.  If you read the question that you are answering in the affirmative you would see it asks you which Semester this Exam applies.  Essentially your dialogue went like this” Which semester does this Exam apply to.” “Yes”
Teacher: Oh, so what is the answer?

IT Guy: Which semester are we in?
Teacher: Oh. Fourth.
IT Guy: We don’t have a fourth semester
Teacher: Oh yeah.  Sorry, second.
IT Guy: Great job.

 

You Sunk My Battleship

STUDENT SUBMITTED STORY: My junior year of college I needed to take a 200 level philosophy class to satisfy my university’s core curriculum requirements. My teacher, who had recently been introduced to her first tiny bit of fame from publishing a book chronicling the UN sanctions imposed on Iraq in the years prior to the Iraq War, would ramble on for the entire 2 and a half hour lecture every Wednesday about some barely relevant human rights issue that she choose.

One week it would be Nuremberg Trials, the next the Geneva Convention; apartheid; AIDS; Nicaraguan property rights; and then, submarine warfare during WWII.

Professor G: Under the widely understood rules of engagement during WWII it became routine for submarines to sink battleships and destroyers and not resurface to hunt for survivors. In the ensuing treaty negotiations the issue of submarine warfare become a topic both the Allies and Axis had little interest in discussing as both had committed atrocities on their respective sides. Must we not therefore hold ourselves equally responsible for human rights violations in wartime just as the Germans themselves argued during their defense in the trials at Nuremberg. (At this point she is basically grinning from ear to ear, as she has somehow, miraculously, managed to relate her ramblings from today’s class to lass week’s seemingly acid-induced lecture)

Me: “Professor, I have read that WWII era submarines, operating at standard depth-charge depth would take a minimum of two hours to surface. By that point, most of the survivors would have drowned having sustained serious injuries; the men on fire in the burning gasoline and oil would have been, at the luckiest, permanently scarred; and most likely another ship would have responded to the sunken ship’s distress call. If you’re stupid enough to surface to look for survivors with a destroyer eying you down you deserve to get blown out of the water.

Professor G: …… Okay.

Is the email down?

Teacher: ” Is email down?  I have not been able to get emails for a few days now”
IT Guy: Maybe no one is emailing you.
Teacher: “Everyone else is getting them”
IT Guy: Everyone else is more liked than you.
Teacher: What?
IT Guy: I’ll be right down.

Teacher: Thanks for coming.  Here let me show you.
IT Guy: No, you don’t have to…..
Teacher: See, I click here and…..
IT Guy: I believe you
Teacher: Then this happens
IT Guy: Please stop
Teacher: When I try…..
IT Guy: Why are you still showing me?
Teacher: Let me show you on Ed’s computer
IT Guy: MOVE!

IT Guy: You have your messages sorted alphabetically
Teacher: So why can’t I receive new emails
IT Guy: You can….just click here
Teacher: Why weren’t they coming?
IT Guy: They were.
Teacher: Oh, they were hidden
IT Guy: Yep, Microsoft has a notorious reputation for hiding emails.  THEY WERE SORTED WRONG!   If you look here you will notice every email comes from someone whom’s name begins with an A.  It didn’t make your curious all of your emails were from the same person and from 2007
Teacher: Not really.  So who did this to my computer?
IT Guy: I assume Chinese Hackers…there always sneaking around schools mis-sorting things.  Part of their plan for global cyber domination.
Teacher: Oh, ok.  Thanks.

In all honesty, I may have said Iranian hackers not Chinese 

Color Printer Question

Teacher: Hey IT Guy, know my color printer?
IT Guy: I do
Teacher: Can it print brown?
IT Guy: Is brown a color?
Teacher: Yes it is
IT Guy: Then it can print it. (Click)

A Gift from a Teacher

Teacher: Did you get the present I left you?
IT Guy: I’m scared to ask……what present?

Teacher: The two old VCRs and broken computer stuff I left in your office
IT Guy: OH!  You’re the person who left the broken garbage in my office.

Teacher: yeah, I though you would want them
IT Guy: FOR WHAT?  

Teacher: I don’t know…..
IT Guy:  My office is not a garbage dump (actually it is…..see previous post)

Teacher: I thought I was doing you a favor
IT Guy: You thought cleaning all the old, broken shit from your room and dumping it in my office when I am not there is helping me?  I’m all set all favors. 

Teacher: Fine.