TEACHER: IT Guy, here ya go.
IT GUY: What is that?
TEACHER: It’s an old overhead projector I found in my closet
IT GUY: I don’t want that
TEACHER: Why not?
IT GUY: What the hell am I going to do with it?
TEACHER: This is the IT Office, right?
IT GUY: That is correct. It is NOT a museum. Please take your archaic relic to the nearest museum or, perhaps a better solution, a dumpster
TEACHER: It still works
IT GUY: So do 8-Track players but we finally stopped you from using those last year.
TEACHER: So, can I leave it here?
IT GUY: NO!
TEACHER: IT Guy, here ya go.
Here is a story that happened today during teacher checkout. In our grading system you have to name to your final exam FINAL, in all caps, for it to be recognized by the system. I don’t feel this is too much ask but apparently I am mistaken. I think it is important to note that we have had this particular grading program for 5 years now and have discussed the misnaming of the Final Exam in depth. Incredibly, it has little to no effect.
Teacher: How come my Final exams did not show up on my grade verification sheets?
IT Guy: Did you name the Final Exam column “FINAL”
Teacher: Yep, I did them all the same and it showed up on my other classes.
IT Guy: Fine, I’ll look………………here is the problem. Despite you adamently defending the fact that you put FINAL in all your columns this one clearly says EXAM. Why did you decide to do one different than the other?
Teacher: I don’t think I did. Not sure how that happened.
IT Guy: Incredible.
Teacher: Do you want me to redo it?
IT Guy: No, I want to do all your grades myself because you haven’t learned how this program works in the HALF A DECADE we have used it.
Secretary: We have some holds to be placed on student accounts. We need to block some users from viewing online grades till the hold is lifted
IT Guy: Sure. Send me a list
Secretary: Can we just turn off the whole school and I will tell you who to turn back on?
IT Guy: What? You want me to turn off the entire school?
IT Guy: Why?
Secretary: So I don’t have to make a spreadsheet
IT Guy: You want me to block the entire school…..then reinstate almost the entire school………so you don’t have to make a spreadsheet?
Secretary: Yeah, the computer should be able to do that…….
IT Guy: Well it can’t…….but people that work in offices SHOULD be able to make spreadsheets. In the mean time I will email support and see if they can build a button that blocks 5% of users and functions via telepathy
Teacher: I want my computer on the other side of the room
IT Guy: There is no power over there
Teacher: Why not?
IT Guy: I don’t know, I didn’t build the school
Teacher: Can you put one in?
IT Guy: I am not an electrician
Teacher: Can we hire one?
IT Guy: It would be kind of expensive…..why do you want to move it?
Teacher: No reason…..I just wanted to try it this year
IT Guy: Of course……. if you would like me to knock down some walls for you as well just let me know.
Based on my interactions, it appears teachers have a faith-like belief in the “Power of Need” similar to the “Force” in Star Wars. I could tell a teacher something as simple and straightforward as “the internet is down and unfortunately you can not get online at the moment” or “sorry, but due to the power outage you can not use your computer at this time”. In their minds facts such as these are no match for the Power of Need. Almost without exception, teachers will counter with “but I really NEED to check my email” or ” but I really NEED to work on my test”. As far as I can tell, they seriously believe that if they decide they NEED something enough it will materialize. The other possibility is that they think I shut off the power grid for the city in an effort to prevent them from checking their email for Borders Coupons. This is actually a strong possibility because more than a few of the teachers I’ve encountered seem to think that they are the center of the Universe and/or their respective classes are the foundation for which all academia is built. I have many examples to illustrate the Power of Need……here is one from last week.
Teacher: IT Guy, the copy machine is out of staples
IT Guy: I know, unfortuantely there was a problem with the shipment. They won’t be here till tomorrow.
Teacher: But I really NEED them now
IT Guy: Sorry, but we don’t have any
Teacher: But I NEED them for an exam that I NEED to give today
IT Guy: I don’t know what you want me to do
Teacher: The exam is very important. It counts for 15% of their grade and I really NEED to get this done
IT Guy: Oh, I didn’t know how much you NEEDED the staples. Here, take the three cartridges I have been hiding in my pocket for the last two days so I could listen to you people incessantly whine about your NEED for staples.