STUDENT SUBMITTED STORY: My junior year of college I needed to take a 200 level philosophy class to satisfy my university’s core curriculum requirements. My teacher, who had recently been introduced to her first tiny bit of fame from publishing a book chronicling the UN sanctions imposed on Iraq in the years prior to the Iraq War, would ramble on for the entire 2 and a half hour lecture every Wednesday about some barely relevant human rights issue that she choose.One week it would be Nuremberg Trials, the next the Geneva Convention; apartheid; AIDS; Nicaraguan property rights; and then, submarine warfare during WWII. Professor G: Under the widely understood rules of engagement during WWII it became routine for submarines to sink battleships and destroyers and not resurface to hunt for survivors. In the ensuing treaty negotiations the issue of submarine warfare become a topic both the Allies and Axis had little interest in discussing as both had committed atrocities on their respective sides. Must we not therefore hold ourselves equally responsible for human rights violations in wartime just as the Germans themselves argued during their defense in the trials at Nuremberg. (At this point she is basically grinning from ear to ear, as she has somehow, miraculously, managed to relate her ramblings from today’s class to lass week’s seemingly acid-induced lecture) Me: “Professor, I have read that WWII era submarines, operating at standard depth-charge depth would take a minimum of two hours to surface. By that point, most of the survivors would have drowned having sustained serious injuries; the men on fire in the burning gasoline and oil would have been, at the luckiest, permanently scarred; and most likely another ship would have responded to the sunken ship’s distress call. If you’re stupid enough to surface to look for survivors with a destroyer eying you down you deserve to get blown out of the water. Professor G: …… Okay.
One of my favorite teacher tactics is the email check. An email check is when a teacher sends me an email from there classroom and at about the same time the message arrives in my inbox the teacher arrives in my office to see if I received it. Here’s an example:
Teacher: IT Guy, did you get my email?
IT Guy: No…..wait hold on……hits Send/Receive…….yes, you just sent it. Why did you run down here?
Teacher: I wanted to see if you got it.
IT Guy: Why wouldn’t I get it?
Teacher: I wasn’t sure if I did it right.
IT Guy: What could go wrong? All you have to push is SEND. You’ve done it a thousand times.
Teacher: Yeah, I know
IT Guy: They why do you think this one will magically disappear
Teacher: I don’t know……..anyways did you read it?
IT Guy: Yep
IT Guy: I just responded as we were speaking………..did you get it?
Teacher: “IT Guy, the printer you just installed doesn’t work….what’s wrong?”
IT Guy: “Did you put paper in it?”
Teacher: “Oh, no……I didn’t think of that”
IT Guy: “Of course you didn’t…….why would you when you can run over here and tell me.
Teacher: ” Is email down? I have not been able to get emails for a few days now”
IT Guy: Maybe no one is emailing you.
Teacher: “Everyone else is getting them”
IT Guy: Everyone else is more liked than you.
IT Guy: I’ll be right down.
IT Guy: No, you don’t have to…..
Teacher: See, I click here and…..
IT Guy: I believe you
Teacher: Then this happens
IT Guy: Please stop
Teacher: When I try…..
IT Guy: Why are you still showing me?
Teacher: Let me show you on Ed’s computer
IT Guy: MOVE! IT Guy: You have your messages sorted alphabetically
Teacher: So why can’t I receive new emails
IT Guy: You can….just click here
Teacher: Why weren’t they coming?
IT Guy: They were.
Teacher: Oh, they were hidden
IT Guy: Yep, Microsoft has a notorious reputation for hiding emails. THEY WERE SORTED WRONG! If you look here you will notice every email comes from someone whom’s name begins with an A. It didn’t make your curious all of your emails were from the same person and from 2007
Teacher: Not really. So who did this to my computer?
IT Guy: I assume Chinese Hackers…there always sneaking around schools mis-sorting things. Part of their plan for global cyber domination.
Teacher: Oh, ok. Thanks. In all honesty, I may have said Iranian hackers not Chinese