The Computer should be able to do that – #1

I have a whole series of coming entries where a person that struggles to turn on their computer will suggest that “the computer should be able to do that”.  Here is the first entry:

Secretary: I need to create a report from our school database to automatically create subs for teachers that are out sick

IT Guy: Sorry, our program can not do that

Secretary: Why not?

IT Guy: What do you mean……why not? It wasn’t built that way

Secretary: What if I give you this spreadsheet I printed out

IT Guy: Oh, that will help.  Let me jam it into the CD ROM ………hit the eat button…….. and now the computer is digesting the paper………processing……and there we go………we now have a sub scheduling program.

Secretary: You are an ass.

IT Guy: Yep

 

Amazing Remote Login Question

A cell phone call I received at home….

Teacher: IT Guy, I’m having trouble logging in at home.

IT Guy: Ok, I will reset your password…….try it now.

Teacher: Nope.

IT Guy: Let me try it.  I just logged you in……works fine.

Teacher: Oh, good……let me try.  No still can’t get in.

IT Guy: Did you put the password in?

Teacher: No, you said you logged me in?

IT Guy: WHAT?  I CAN’T LOGIN YOU IN FROM MY HOUSE.  YOU HAVE TO TYPE IT IN.

Teacher: Oh, I thought you said you logged me in?

IT Guy: Good luck…..(click)

Copy Machine Genius

Teacher: Can you help me, I have been trying for 15 minutes to unjam the copy machine?
IT Guy: Did you follow the directions?
Teacher: Yes, exactly…
IT Guy: Ok, let me see.  Open door 2 and …… here it is
Teacher:  Oh, I didn’t look there. How did you know of this magical spot.
IT Guy: Well, I looked at the pretty screen on top.  If you look right here next to STEP 1 it says OPEN DOOR 2.  Next, I explored the facade of the machine to find the door with this symbol (2) on it.  From there I gathered that it must be door two. Then I grabbed the little knob, opened the door and amongst all the gears and plastic pieces I looked for a flat, white object that looks like paper. When I located the object I used my fingers to remove it thusly.  
Teacher: Oh, I have trouble with this machine
IT Guy:  Yeah……this machine.  Don’t worry I have a Masters degree in direction reading and copy machine unjamming.  It takes a highly educated person to follow blinking directions.

MORE STORIES

Setting up their own computer

This might be my favorite story so far.  A teacher called me down to her room and said “I setup my own computer.  I’m pretty sure I did it right but it won’t work.”  When I arrived this is what I found.

Aside from the upside down computer.  There was a minor issue preventing it from working.

I feel compelled to point out that I truly appreciate the teacher trying to setup their own machine……most teachers will not. Additionally, this is actually a very nice person so I feel slightly bad about posting the story but it was too funny to ignore

Why did you change my password?

Teacher:  “IT Guy, I can’t login…..why did you change my password?”
IT Guy: “Why would I change your password?”
Teacher: (Read with a smug voice) “I don’t know IT Guy you tell me?”  then laugh like an uncomfortable nerd….
IT Guy: “Let me rephrase….I didn’t change your password”
Teacher: “You must have….I always use the same one”
IT Guy: “Actually, I almost never randomly change passwords.  It actually creates more work for me not to mention annoying conversations like this. Why don’t I reset it for you.  Can you type it in here”
Teacher: Ok……what did I use last year.  I can’t remember”