Computer Should be Able to Do that #2

Secretary: We have some holds to be placed on student accounts.  We need to block some users from viewing online grades till the hold is lifted

IT Guy:
Sure.  Send me a list

Secretary:
Can we just turn off the whole school and I will tell you who to turn back on?

IT Guy: What?  You want me to turn off the entire school?

Secretary:
Yes.

IT Guy:
Why?

Secretary:
So I don’t have to make a spreadsheet

IT Guy:
You want me to block the entire school…..then reinstate almost the entire school………so you don’t have to make a spreadsheet?

Secretary: Yeah, the computer should be able to do that……. 

IT Guy:  Well it can’t…….but people that work in offices SHOULD be able to make spreadsheets. In the mean time I will email support and see if they can build a button that blocks 5% of users and functions via telepathy

Is the email down?

Teacher: ” Is email down?  I have not been able to get emails for a few days now”
IT Guy: Maybe no one is emailing you.
Teacher: “Everyone else is getting them”
IT Guy: Everyone else is more liked than you.
Teacher: What?
IT Guy: I’ll be right down.

Teacher: Thanks for coming.  Here let me show you.
IT Guy: No, you don’t have to…..
Teacher: See, I click here and…..
IT Guy: I believe you
Teacher: Then this happens
IT Guy: Please stop
Teacher: When I try…..
IT Guy: Why are you still showing me?
Teacher: Let me show you on Ed’s computer
IT Guy: MOVE!

IT Guy: You have your messages sorted alphabetically
Teacher: So why can’t I receive new emails
IT Guy: You can….just click here
Teacher: Why weren’t they coming?
IT Guy: They were.
Teacher: Oh, they were hidden
IT Guy: Yep, Microsoft has a notorious reputation for hiding emails.  THEY WERE SORTED WRONG!   If you look here you will notice every email comes from someone whom’s name begins with an A.  It didn’t make your curious all of your emails were from the same person and from 2007
Teacher: Not really.  So who did this to my computer?
IT Guy: I assume Chinese Hackers…there always sneaking around schools mis-sorting things.  Part of their plan for global cyber domination.
Teacher: Oh, ok.  Thanks.

In all honesty, I may have said Iranian hackers not Chinese 

Copy Machine Genius

Teacher: Can you help me, I have been trying for 15 minutes to unjam the copy machine?
IT Guy: Did you follow the directions?
Teacher: Yes, exactly…
IT Guy: Ok, let me see.  Open door 2 and …… here it is
Teacher:  Oh, I didn’t look there. How did you know of this magical spot.
IT Guy: Well, I looked at the pretty screen on top.  If you look right here next to STEP 1 it says OPEN DOOR 2.  Next, I explored the facade of the machine to find the door with this symbol (2) on it.  From there I gathered that it must be door two. Then I grabbed the little knob, opened the door and amongst all the gears and plastic pieces I looked for a flat, white object that looks like paper. When I located the object I used my fingers to remove it thusly.  
Teacher: Oh, I have trouble with this machine
IT Guy:  Yeah……this machine.  Don’t worry I have a Masters degree in direction reading and copy machine unjamming.  It takes a highly educated person to follow blinking directions.

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The old Switcharoo

Teacher: Did you change my password?  I can't login.
IT Guy: No. Why would I change your password?
Teacher: Oh, I don't know.  Because it is a new computer?????
IT Guy: Are you quizzing me?  I didn't change your password
Teacher: Oh, can I show you?
IT Guy: Please do.
Teacher: Ok, see I type my username then I type my password………and look it denies me. Are you sure the password didn't change?
IT Guy: I am….and here's how I know.  Every time you try to "login" you are actually clicking "SWITCH USER".  So in actuality, you have no clue if your password works or not because you never tried it.
Teacher: Oh, I get it.  How silly.
IT Guy: Yep, silly.  That is definitely not the word I would have chosen to describe the situation.