Following Directions

The Directions

If a student is exempt from the Final Exam leave the two astericks in the cell and the exam will not be calcualated into their Final Grade

Teacher: Ok, my grades are in

IT Guy: Congratulations

Teacher: I think I did them all right

IT Guy: You are so kind

Teacher: Is it OK that I put an X in the Final Exam column for exempt students?

IT Guy: No, you are suppose to leave the astericks. Did you see the directions?

Teacher: Yeah.  But I like the X’s

IT Guy: Are you serious?

Teacher: Why can’t I put an X?

IT Guy: I have no idea, that is how the software was made.  Why does it matter?

Teacher: I like X. It means exempt.

IT Guy: Actually it means the kid got an X on his Final Exam.  Additionally, why does X mean exempt?  Why not EX?

Teacher: X is faster.

IT Guy: It sure is.  You are genius!

Teacher: So should I change it back?  Or should we just see it works?

IT Guy: Unless you want to explain to the parents why their Final Grades are algebraic expressions please follow the directions without editing them for efficiency and/or stupidity.

Copy Machine Genius

Teacher: Can you help me, I have been trying for 15 minutes to unjam the copy machine?
IT Guy: Did you follow the directions?
Teacher: Yes, exactly…
IT Guy: Ok, let me see.  Open door 2 and …… here it is
Teacher:  Oh, I didn’t look there. How did you know of this magical spot.
IT Guy: Well, I looked at the pretty screen on top.  If you look right here next to STEP 1 it says OPEN DOOR 2.  Next, I explored the facade of the machine to find the door with this symbol (2) on it.  From there I gathered that it must be door two. Then I grabbed the little knob, opened the door and amongst all the gears and plastic pieces I looked for a flat, white object that looks like paper. When I located the object I used my fingers to remove it thusly.  
Teacher: Oh, I have trouble with this machine
IT Guy:  Yeah……this machine.  Don’t worry I have a Masters degree in direction reading and copy machine unjamming.  It takes a highly educated person to follow blinking directions.

MORE STORIES

I’m pretty sure Teachers blatantly ignore me

IT Guy: If I switch over the grading system teachers’ gradebooks will be unavailable for the rest of the day.  Are you OK with that?

Teacher: Yep

IT Guy: Are you sure?  None of the teachers will be able to make any changes till tomorrow? You are cool with that?  I can not switch it back till tomorrow.

Teacher:  Yep, no problem.

IT Guy: Ok, I will make the switch.

(12 minutes later the phone rings)

Teacher: I am trying to access my gradebooks and it said they are not available.  What’s wrong??????

IT Guy: Are your serious?  We just had this converstation like 10 minutes ago. 

Teacher: We did?  How come I can’t see my gradebooks?

IT Guy: I turned them off. I JUST TOLD YOU THAT!

Teacher: Oh, can you turn them back on? 

IT Guy: No

Teacher: But, I NEED them now.

IT Guy: I told you can not do that until tomorrow and you said it was fine.

Teacher: But I didn’t need them then……now I do.

IT Guy: My apologies.  I don’t think I did a very good job explaining this to you the first time.  Tell you what, grab some colored chalk and meet me in room 205. I will see if I can diagram the meaning of “Stupid” and “NO” for you in pictures. (Click)

A kid did something to my computer?

Teacher: IT Guy, I really need your help.  I’m freaking out.

IT Guy: What’s the matter?

Teacher: A kid did something to my computer and now it won’t turn on.

IT Guy: Oh Yeah

Teacher:  I don’t need any of your smart talk.  I tried to fix it and there is something seriously wrong. Can you come down here and not make any rude remarks?

IT Guy: I guess I can try.

Teacher: Hurry!

(arrive 12.8 seconds later)

IT Guy: Despite the deviant kids best efforts I think I have restored your computer.

Teacher: What did you do?

IT Guy: I pushed the power button on the monitor

Teacher: Are your serious? You are going to put this on your blog aren’t you?

IT Guy: As soon as I get back to my office.

The Computer should be able to do that – #1

I have a whole series of coming entries where a person that struggles to turn on their computer will suggest that “the computer should be able to do that”.  Here is the first entry:

Secretary: I need to create a report from our school database to automatically create subs for teachers that are out sick

IT Guy: Sorry, our program can not do that

Secretary: Why not?

IT Guy: What do you mean……why not? It wasn’t built that way

Secretary: What if I give you this spreadsheet I printed out

IT Guy: Oh, that will help.  Let me jam it into the CD ROM ………hit the eat button…….. and now the computer is digesting the paper………processing……and there we go………we now have a sub scheduling program.

Secretary: You are an ass.

IT Guy: Yep