Computer Should be Able to Do that #2

Secretary: We have some holds to be placed on student accounts.  We need to block some users from viewing online grades till the hold is lifted

IT Guy:
Sure.  Send me a list

Secretary:
Can we just turn off the whole school and I will tell you who to turn back on?

IT Guy: What?  You want me to turn off the entire school?

Secretary:
Yes.

IT Guy:
Why?

Secretary:
So I don’t have to make a spreadsheet

IT Guy:
You want me to block the entire school…..then reinstate almost the entire school………so you don’t have to make a spreadsheet?

Secretary: Yeah, the computer should be able to do that……. 

IT Guy:  Well it can’t…….but people that work in offices SHOULD be able to make spreadsheets. In the mean time I will email support and see if they can build a button that blocks 5% of users and functions via telepathy

IT vs the Volunteers

 

Volunteer:  I need to install some software – can you do it? 

IT Guy: Actually, I’m kind of busy….can you just throw it into your CD ROM and keep clicking next

Volunteer: I don’t know…….I guess I can try

IT Guy: Thanks…..you are very brave

Volunteer: Ok, I’ll call you back when I’m in front of the computer

IT Guy: But….why?

**CLICK***


Volunteerr: Ok, I am in front of the computer.

IT Guy: Great, put the disk in

Volunteer:  I can’t find the computer

IT Guy: What do you mean?  You just said you were in front of it.

Volunteer: I am but I can’t see the hard drive.

IT Guy: Can’t see the hard drive, huh?  How bout that?   Did you look on the floor.

Volunteer: I sure did and on the desk.

IT Guy: Good thinking.  Ok, well there is a three foot cord connecting the monitor to it.  Can you circle the machine in a three foot circumference till you step on it.

Volunteer: No

IT: Of course not, I’ll be right there.


**************************


Volunteer: I think someone might have moved the computer

IT Guy: Actually, it’s right here.  The monitor is sitting on top of i

Volunteer: Oh, that is the computer

IT guy: It sure is…..you giant idiot.  Just throw the CD in it and hit next

Volunteer: Where does the CD go?

IT Guy:  Why don’t I just do it?  You probably won’t be able to find the next button either


 


 

Why is the Office Closed?

Teacher: Why is the office closed?

IT Guy: They leave at 1:00

Teacher: But it’s only 1:30

IT Guy:  What?

Teacher: It’s only 1:30……do they pack right up and leave?

IT Guy: I would…….to avoid having conversations like this.

Teacher: That’s kind of ridiculous

IT Guy: Just to confirm.  It is ridiculous that you, a person who does not work in the summer, sat at home until the office was closed then came to school and expected them to be here waiting for you………or that they are not here 30 minutes after closing time?

Teacher: You are a jerk

IT Guy: I know……and you are making me regret I didn’t leave at closing time……or as you call it “early”.

Following Directions

The Directions

If a student is exempt from the Final Exam leave the two astericks in the cell and the exam will not be calcualated into their Final Grade

Teacher: Ok, my grades are in

IT Guy: Congratulations

Teacher: I think I did them all right

IT Guy: You are so kind

Teacher: Is it OK that I put an X in the Final Exam column for exempt students?

IT Guy: No, you are suppose to leave the astericks. Did you see the directions?

Teacher: Yeah.  But I like the X’s

IT Guy: Are you serious?

Teacher: Why can’t I put an X?

IT Guy: I have no idea, that is how the software was made.  Why does it matter?

Teacher: I like X. It means exempt.

IT Guy: Actually it means the kid got an X on his Final Exam.  Additionally, why does X mean exempt?  Why not EX?

Teacher: X is faster.

IT Guy: It sure is.  You are genius!

Teacher: So should I change it back?  Or should we just see it works?

IT Guy: Unless you want to explain to the parents why their Final Grades are algebraic expressions please follow the directions without editing them for efficiency and/or stupidity.