Copy Machine Genius

Teacher: Can you help me, I have been trying for 15 minutes to unjam the copy machine?
IT Guy: Did you follow the directions?
Teacher: Yes, exactly…
IT Guy: Ok, let me see.  Open door 2 and …… here it is
Teacher:  Oh, I didn’t look there. How did you know of this magical spot.
IT Guy: Well, I looked at the pretty screen on top.  If you look right here next to STEP 1 it says OPEN DOOR 2.  Next, I explored the facade of the machine to find the door with this symbol (2) on it.  From there I gathered that it must be door two. Then I grabbed the little knob, opened the door and amongst all the gears and plastic pieces I looked for a flat, white object that looks like paper. When I located the object I used my fingers to remove it thusly.  
Teacher: Oh, I have trouble with this machine
IT Guy:  Yeah……this machine.  Don’t worry I have a Masters degree in direction reading and copy machine unjamming.  It takes a highly educated person to follow blinking directions.

MORE STORIES

The Power of “Need”

Based on my interactions, it appears teachers have a faith-like belief in the “Power of Need” similar to the “Force” in Star Wars.  I could tell a teacher something as simple and straightforward as “the internet is down and unfortunately you can not get online at the moment” or “sorry, but due to the power outage you can not use your computer at this time”.  In their minds facts such as these are no match for the Power of Need. Almost without exception, teachers will counter with “but I really NEED to check my email” or ” but I really NEED to work on my test”.  As far as I can tell, they seriously believe that if they decide they NEED something enough it will materialize.  The other possibility is that they think I shut off the power grid for the city in an effort to prevent them from checking their email for Borders Coupons.  This is actually a strong possibility because more than a few of the teachers I’ve encountered seem to think that they are the center of the Universe and/or their respective classes are the foundation for which all academia is built.  I have many examples to illustrate the Power of Need……here is one from last week.

 

Teacher:  IT Guy, the copy machine is out of staples

IT Guy: I know, unfortuantely there was a problem with the shipment.  They won’t be here till tomorrow.

Teacher: But I really NEED them now

IT Guy: Sorry, but we don’t have any

Teacher: But I NEED them for an exam that I NEED to give today

IT Guy: I don’t know what you want me to do

Teacher: The exam is very important.  It counts for 15% of their grade and I really NEED to get this done

IT Guy: Oh, I didn’t know how much you NEEDED the staples.  Here, take the three cartridges I have been hiding in my pocket for the last two days so I could listen to you people incessantly whine about your NEED for staples.

Teachers Strike Back

Teacher submitted Story:While I empathize with the trials of an IT support person to handle the idiocies of faculty from the other side of the digital divide, I must say it is not just teachers who posses the unique power to test the patience of those of us who happen to know where the power button is located. Without further ado, my best “I fear for the future” stories:

 

1. Student: “Why do we have to double space? It looks hella bad.”
    Me: Why are you putting two spaces between each word?


2. Student: (very seriously)what kind of car did Shakespeare drive? (she was 15)


3. Student: My links in PowerPoint won’t click.
    Me: Did you remember to press -enter- after?


4. Upon working in a classroom next to a cell phone jammer, the kids freaked out:
Kid: (bangs cell phone against desk)
Other kid:is this a terrorist attack.

 

So teachers+ kids= 🙁

……and the teachers are on the board.

Students 2 – Teachers-1

Diarhea Text

This is not actually a teacher story but it is from a school.  A secretary shared this parent interaction with me this morning.

Parent: Hi, Secretary my son is sending me texts from the bathroom.

Secretary: Ok, what do you want me to do?  Take his phone away?

Parent: Well, no……he has diarhea.

Secretary: Ok……..that is too bad.  What would you like me to do?

Parent: I would like you to tell him to come home.

Secretary: I can’t go in the boys bathroom.

Parent: Oh yeah, I will text him and tell him to come see you

Secretary: Ok, please ask him to wash his hands.  Thanks.

 

Amazing Remote Login Question

A cell phone call I received at home….

Teacher: IT Guy, I’m having trouble logging in at home.

IT Guy: Ok, I will reset your password…….try it now.

Teacher: Nope.

IT Guy: Let me try it.  I just logged you in……works fine.

Teacher: Oh, good……let me try.  No still can’t get in.

IT Guy: Did you put the password in?

Teacher: No, you said you logged me in?

IT Guy: WHAT?  I CAN’T LOGIN YOU IN FROM MY HOUSE.  YOU HAVE TO TYPE IT IN.

Teacher: Oh, I thought you said you logged me in?

IT Guy: Good luck…..(click)