Inevitable Computer Issues

Inevitable Computer Issues.pdf
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This is a document I created, called "Inevitbale Computer Issues", to help teachers setup their computers when they first come back to school.  It almost got me fired.

Technological Relic

TEACHER: IT Guy, here ya go.
IT GUY: What is that?
TEACHER: It’s an old overhead projector I found in my closet
IT GUY: I don’t want that
TEACHER: Why not?
IT GUY: What the hell am I going to do with it?
TEACHER: This is the IT Office, right?
IT GUY: That is correct. It is NOT a museum. Please take your archaic relic to the nearest museum or, perhaps a better solution, a dumpster
TEACHER: It still works
IT GUY: So do 8-Track players but we finally stopped you from using those last year.
TEACHER: So, can I leave it here?
IT GUY: NO!

Why is the Office Closed?

Teacher: Why is the office closed?

IT Guy: They leave at 1:00

Teacher: But it’s only 1:30

IT Guy:  What?

Teacher: It’s only 1:30……do they pack right up and leave?

IT Guy: I would…….to avoid having conversations like this.

Teacher: That’s kind of ridiculous

IT Guy: Just to confirm.  It is ridiculous that you, a person who does not work in the summer, sat at home until the office was closed then came to school and expected them to be here waiting for you………or that they are not here 30 minutes after closing time?

Teacher: You are a jerk

IT Guy: I know……and you are making me regret I didn’t leave at closing time……or as you call it “early”.

Final Exams

When you create a Final Exam column in our online gradebooks you are prompted to enter the semester in which the exam grade should apply.  There are three options “1, 2 and Y”.  If the exam goes with the first semester you type 1, if it is second semester you type 2.  The “Y” is for “Yes”.  I have no clue what the “Y” is for but the teachers for whatever reason are enamored with it.

Teacher: Hey IT Guy, just wanted to confirm that when I put in the exam I choose “Yes”, correct?

IT Guy: No, why would you choose “Yes”.  What are you agreeing to?
Teacher: The Final

IT Guy: You think your gradebook is asking you to agree to a Final?
Teacher: Yes.

IT Guy: Well it’s not.  If you read the question that you are answering in the affirmative you would see it asks you which Semester this Exam applies.  Essentially your dialogue went like this” Which semester does this Exam apply to.” “Yes”
Teacher: Oh, so what is the answer?

IT Guy: Which semester are we in?
Teacher: Oh. Fourth.
IT Guy: We don’t have a fourth semester
Teacher: Oh yeah.  Sorry, second.
IT Guy: Great job.

 

Lunch Time Door Game

I believe that teachers absolutely can not stand the sight of a closed door.  I’m not sure if they feel like they can go anywhere they want because they are a teacher or if it’s a genuine sickness but I have learned to enjoy the phenomenom.  My favorite is when I don’t answer the knocks, a teacher busts in the door and when I ask them if they need help they say “no, I’m all set”. These instances led me to create the Lunch Time Door Game.

Rules:

  1. Close the door to your office – preferably while eating lunch
  2. Do not answer any knocks
  3. See how many people open the door despite not being invited

Scoring:
Points are awarded based on the reason for entry and how many knocks.

  1. Legit IT emergency – No points becaue you are being a jerk
  2. Copy Machine issue – 5 points
  3. Petty IT issue – 7 points
  4. Anything that could wait till next week – 10 points
  5. No reason to open door – the golden goose of the Lunch Time Door Game – 25 points

Knock bonus points::
Add one point for each knock before entering

 

My best day was 3 entries:

  • 1 Copy Machine issue (5 points)
  • 1 Petty IT Issue ( 7 points)
  • A No Reason! ( 25 points)

The copy machine and petty IT issue were 0 knocks but the No Reason was 4 knocks!

High Score: 41 points.